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Doctors and Lords

A Bugfix for the English Language

Posted: May 5th, 2022

Hey, everyone. I’m here with another bugfix for the English language.

Bug 1
Despite originating from the latin for “teacher”, the title of Doctor is so strongly associated with medicine, that non-medical doctors can’t use the title they worked so hard for, lest they have to immediately explain that they aren’t “real doctors”
Bug 2
While “Lady” has been patched to be a gendered term of refinement, the title of “Lord” by itself is deprecated outside of a few isolated island nations.
Proposed Bugfix
Perform a partial swap of the meaning. “Lord” will henceforth be a gender-neutral title awarded for completion of a university’s highest degree. “Doctor” will now refer either to someone with such a degree in medicine or to a male with a position of nobility.

Notes on This Patch:

  • Male nobles will now introduce themselves as “doctor, but not that kind of doctor”. People will continue to think such doctors are using an undeserved title, but now they will be correct in this belief.
  • The creator of the universe will continue to be referred to as LORD, but this will now be a reference to omniscience rather than omnipotence
  • We’ve tried several times unsuccessfully to fix the bug where someone who rents out buildings is referred to as a “landlord”. This update doesn’t attempt to resolve the issue, though the description of the error has been changed.
  • Medical Doctors may be referred to as Lords of Medicine, Doctors of Medicine, Medical Lords, or simply Doctors. Referring to them as “Lords” without qualification should be avoided to prevent recurrence of bug #1.
  • Those who held Doctorates now hold Lordships. Example changes include:
    • Doctor of Jurisprudence
      Lord of Justice or Justice Lord
    • Doctor of Arts
      Lord of the Arts or Art Lord (eg Lord of the Art of English)
    • Doctor of Engineering
      Lord of the Crafts or Craft Lord
    • Doctor of Philosophy in Astronomy
      Lord of the Stars or Star Lord
    • Doctor of Theology
      Lord of the LORD or LORD Lord
  • In keeping with existing nomenclature, a Doctor of Philosophy in Economics has been updated to be called a “Sveriges Riksbank Lord in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel”.

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